Archive | July, 2009

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Catfish

31 Jul
Hang in there, Baby!  Only one more night until the Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival!

Hang in there, Baby! Only one more night until the Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival!

Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts,

The Catfish have been mercilessly slaughtered and shipped northwestward from the Great State of Louisiana; the festival grounds are prepped and ready for this evening’s set-up.

Surprisingly self-conscious yet wildly creative festivalgoers have submitted haikus of every ilk; gallons of peanut oil wait silently in anticipation.

Corn meal of yellow and white adorn stainless steel bowls, greeting eggs, milk, flour, and spices as hush puppy batter takes form.

It must be Catfish Festival Eve.

There are a few last-minute notes that everybody should be aware of:

1. The Haiku Competition is open until 3 PM tomorrow, but try to get them in before 3PM today!  The judges need time to digest your literary delicacies.

2. With the mild weather we’re expecting tomorrow (instead of the usual late summer blast furnace that we usually get), we’re swapping out misting tents and kiddie pools for bouncy castles. We have two so far and might be able to get our hands on a couple more. Lamentably, the bouncy castles are for children only, unless you need a nap.

2. Just a reminder that we’re at a new location this year, 3156 Geneva Street, 80238, in Stapleton. Please don’t bother the people at our old house. We hear they have shotguns and are anxious to use them.

3. Festival staff and crew need to be at the festival grounds this evening at 5:00 PM MT for orientation and set-up. Be sure to bring your chemical suit, branding iron, and a fresh, or at the very least a functional, liver.


Even though the spirit of our event is most definitely a positive one, Catfish Festival Eve can be a very trying time for adults and children alike as rational thought gives way to sleepless, euphoric confusion.

For adults, we suggest a large, bready meal for lunch (wonder bread mayonnaise sandwiches come to mind) and generous amounts of alcohol for dinner.  Don’t worry about the potential hangover; fried food and sunshine are excellent cures!

For the parents, try this trick to keep the nippers from getting too excited:

Tie a bag of Tootsie Pops to the back of your ATV and drive around the block 24 to 30 times with your offspring chasing feverishly.  This should insure a deep, soothing night’s sleep and slightly less active legs for tomorrow.

We hope you have a wonderful Catfish Festival Eve, and we will see you tomorrow at the SEVENTH ANNUAL DENVER CATFISH FESTIVAL!

15 Days 2 Hours 31 Minutes And Counting!

17 Jul
You know, Jimi Hendrix played an electric catfish; however, he was left-handed and preferred to play a right-handed model turned upside down.  Something about the blood running to the lucky catfish's head, thereby creating a fuller sound.

You know, Jimi Hendrix played an electric catfish; however, he was left-handed and preferred to play a right-handed model turned upside down. Something about the blood running to the lucky catfish's head, thereby creating a fuller sound.

Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts,

We at the Denver Catfish Festival are taking a moment to look beyond the metaphorical surface of black and muddy waters of Catfish Evolution (if one believes in such a thing, but honestly, do you really believe that catfish are only 6000 years old? ) and learn more about this mysterious giver of delicious and healthy delights, our friend and yours, the center of our universe,

The Catfish.

Sometimes, in order to find the essence of something, one must find the thing’s origins. It is with that thought in mind that Festival Elder Billy, Hanger-on Chip and Your Chairman depart on an adventurous expedition and search for the source of the Mississippi River this coming Monday.                                                                                             
We will load the expeditionary Denver Catfish Festival Vanagon with supplies, travel across the northern plains treading the sacred Oregon Trail (stopping over, of course, in the land the natives call “Omaha,” site of six LSU College World Series championships), make our way through the tribal lands of the Sioux, to the great northern land of the Chippewa, the land of approximately ten thousand lakes. We will flop in mud and find The Catfish Within. We will take a mystical Vision Quest so as to become one with the catfish and experience what the catfish experiences as it begins its journey of life down the Great River.                                                                                    
Oh, and there’s this super wicked music festival there next week and Wilco and Widespread Panic are playing. We’ll probably stop by there for a little while as well, you know, just to get a feel for the people and their culture, maybe knock back a few Gluek Golden Lights and warm up a tater tot hot dish, don’tcha know.

The road will be fraught with danger. Those bastards from the Denver Trout Festival will have spies in our midst. We shall trust no one.                                                                                                                                                                           
Then, when we’ve satisfied our quest for knowledge of up-river Catfish as well as Minnesotan culture, we shall return next weekend and begin the final preparations for the SEVENTH ANNUAL DENVER CATFISH FESTIVAL!

Why have you not submitted your Catfish-Inspired Haiku? Do you taken a Fabulous Prizes Abstinence Vow of some sort? We have AMAZING prizes this year! Get yo’self a pen and paper and channel(cat) your (fish)muse! C’mon! 

Festival Week promises to be extremely exciting this year. Events too numerous to discuss are in the works!

Joe T., Chmn.
“Follow Me to The Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival!”

1 Jul
The Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival Logo.

The Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival Logo.

Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts,

The Late Summer Classic is a mere 30 Days away! Our tails wag furiously at the mere thought of sunshine, coldbeer, and catfish!

We’ve got a lot to update you on, so lets get right to it:

1. We at Festival Headquarters have heard the pleas from a vocal audience and hope that we’ve answered.  Over the past several months, I’ve listened attentively to the following comments time and time again:

“Dearest Chairman, I have nothing but respect for past Catfish Festival logos, but they just seem too bland for today’s fast-moving society.  I feel that there needs to be something flashier.”

We hope that we’ve answered the call with our new logo!  You want flashy, we’ve given you flashy.  Literally. 

And with our recent discovery that an electric catfish exists, what could be more appropriate?  We hope you enjoy the logo and as always, we welcome most of your comments. 

2. Based on the truly overwhelming response, the “Ask the Chairman” series is moving to its own page on the blog. While I understand that you’re frothing at your collective mouths for more updates, time is at a premium and I will address each and every concern expressed when I can, hopefully in the next couple of days.

3. Our first corporate sponsor is a company that John C. is with. I’ll not name the company at this time because I can’t remember what they’re called.  

 All I know is that John and his company are providing paper products for the festival! Thank you John!!! And remember folks, much like Wilco with those lame-ass Volkswagen commercials, we at The Denver Catfish Festival will sell out to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

4. Said Wallace Stevens, Official Deceased Poet of The Denver Catfish Festival,

“Style is not something applied. It is something that permeates. It is of the nature of that in which it is found, whether the poem, the manner of a god, the bearing of a man. It is not a dress.”

Had he attended a Denver Catfish Festival in physical form and not just in spirit, what he would have said was:

“Style is not something applied, unless purchased from The Denver Catfish Festival Bazaar.  It is something that permeates, like hot oil through cornmeal.

It is of the nature of that in which it is found, whether the catfish-inspired haiku, the manner of consuming catfish, the patient bearing of a man while he waits for the catfish to fry.

It is not a dress; however, it is T-shirts, intimate wear, and other kickass apparel.

Style is, I reiterate, The Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival Bazaar

The Denver Catfish Festival Bazaar has something for everyone.  Don’t risk showing up to the festival and facing jeers and derision from your fellow festivalgoers because you’re not dressed the part. 

More to come–And please work on those Catfish-inspired Haikus!  Our judges pavlovianly salivate in anticipation of your bottom-feeding a’capella opuses. 


Joe T., Chairman
“Ask Me About the Seventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival”

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