Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts,
We can’t be more excited about the upcoming Denver Catfish Festival and hope you, the average Catfish Consumer, feel the same way!
This update contains important information which will ensure that you and yours have a lively, safe, happy, content, enthralling, and spiritually-awakening Denver Catfish Festival.
**We surely haven’t covered everything, so please contact me, either by commenting here, through Facebook, or through email if you have further questions.**
Q: Can I come?
A: Sure, why not.
Q: Can my cousin, in from Wilmette, and his girlfriend and that dude that her brother knows from work come with me?
A: Also yes, that would be dandy.
Q: When? Where?
A: 7.29.17, The Denver Catfish Festival Chateau and Reflection Gardens, first filet-hits-oil at 1:12 PM MT.
Q: What to drink?
A: Something classic, timeless, and catfish-pairing-friendly. Miller Lite, perhaps? Or for our high-metabolism friends, Miller Heavy?
Followup Q: What beer goes well with Catfish?
A: All beer!
Q: What to wear?
A: Well, Catfish Festival apparel, obviously, but wear what you would normally wear to an outdoor event in a neighborhood. We will NOT have the traditional Catfish Festival kiddie pools set up for you to stand around awkwardly in calf-deep water with your fellow festivalgoers. Therefore, your festival accoutrements and traditional summer garb should suffice.
Q: Where to sit?
A: We will have as much seating as we have; might want to throw a camp chair in the trunk of the Uber that brings you over.
Q: Is this a pot luck?
A: We cook catfish and hush puppies. If you feel that you can provide a delightful dish that compliments these items, feel free!
(Do not, however, bring a frozen box of Extreme Jalapeno Cream Cheese Poppers that you picked up at the store on the way over and expect it to be fried in the Bayou Fryer 700-701.)
Q: I’m a dirty smoker. Does the Denver Catfish Festival recognize my right to destroy myself?
A: Yes, of course! We welcome many types of self-abuse; designated TOBACCO smoking areas will be provided. And please, pick up your fucking cigarette butts. (Chairman’s apologies for that foul language, but damn, smokers. Clean up after yourselves.)
Q. Can I randomly throw trash all over the Festival Grounds?
A. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BOTTLES, CANS, BOTTLE TOPS, PAPER PLATES, NAPKINS, AND/OR CIGARETTE BUTTS IN THE NEIGHBORS’ YARDS. Recycling bins and trash cans will be skillfully placed about the property.
Q: I want to give fried catfish to your dog. Is that cool?
A: Lamentably, dogs tend to have a rough time with Catfish. Ask us how we know, and be prepared for a graphic description of unholy beagle scat.
Q: I’m a guy. Where will I relieve myself?
A: Not in the yard!
Q: I’m a girl. Wear do I powder my nose?
A: Not in the yard!
Q: When’s the cutoff for submitting a Haiku?
A: The cutoff for Haiku submission is 4 PM on Festival Day.
Thanks!
Joe T., Chmn.
THE DENVER CATFISH FESTIVAL 
Dangit, missed my flight to sneak in and mysteriously clean up behind all the DCF revelers, sorry Joe, maybe next time.