Everything on this side of the rope is average. Everything on the other side of the rope is slightly better-than-average.
Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts,
After pouring through music archives spanning forty years, we at The Denver Catfish Festival recently unearthed this riveting story about the evolution of Rock band Foreigner’s most powerful anthem:
“…Well, the story is partly true,” says the erstwhile lead singer of Foreigner. “I was at a Captain & Tennille show in ’75. I actually did have a ticket, but I really wanted to get backstage. I mean, those two, with their witty melodic interplay about the bittersweet/optimistic side of life and love, really struck a nerve with me. I stood in the rain, rather depressed (head hung low, if you must,) and could hear the schmoozing of the VIP’s. I could picture the scene: they were enjoying the catering table, the free booze, the exclusive access, the plush furnishings, the brushes with celebrity. Years later, I wrote a song about the experience called ‘Backstage Hero,’ but the other guys in the band thought the title sounded as though I was trading unsavory favors for a chance to meet my musical deities. So, I changed the name to ‘Jukebox Hero,’ and one of the most obnoxious songs in the pantheon of rock history was born. In all honesty, the song never would have come to me if I’d only won a raffle for a VIP pass.”
The above anecdote illustrates the true power of exclusivity. If only The Captain and Tennille had been blessed with the foresight to offer a VIP Raffle…
So while we do risk the possibility of spawning an entire festival’s worth of new Lou Gramms, The Ninth Annual Denver Catfish Festival is proud to announce:
The Ninth Annual Denver Catfish Festival VIP Experience!
Two lucky winners, chosen at random, will receive a package that will contain, but is not limited to:
- A Denver Catfish Festival VIP package (contents to be divulged later)
- All-access passes to heretofore-restricted areas of The Denver Catfish Festival Grounds
- A chance to Fry Your Own Catfish!!
- “First Pick” of all hush puppy and fried catfish batches as they come out of the fryers!
- An exclusive, shaded, ventilated seating area with comfy chairs and bottomless Mimosas
- For After Catfish Festival After Dark: World-class lodging accommodations in a 1985 Volkswagen Vanagon Westfalia!
More fabulous perks are being added by the hour! Truly, there is too much to list at this point.
Enthusiasts, all you need to do is send an email to denvercatfishfestival@gmail.com with “ENTER ME” in the subject line!
(Actually that doesn’t sound right…Just send an email saying you want to be in the drawing.)
More updates to come! And please send those Catfish-inspired Haikus! Those which we have received thus far shine as testament to the indulgent and unbridled creativity that thoughts of the hearty Catfish afford.
Sincerely,
Joe T., Chmn.
“Ask Me About The Ninth Annual Denver Catfish Festival. If you’re a VIP, I’ll tell the truth.”
*Odds are 1 in 80, must be present to win. Management reserves the right to boot surly contest winners, although inebriation is encouraged. Please behave yourself in my Vanagon.
THE DENVER CATFISH FESTIVAL 
If I win the raffle, are you going to fly me up and back? Now that’s a true DCF VIP experience.
Fellow Catfish Enthusiast,
America is known for its magnificent Interstate Highway System. Why subject yourself to the risks of air travel when you can see firsthand a glimpse of the multicultural quilt work of our great nation?
A sojourn from Shreveport to Denver will take you through the exotic wilds of East and North Texas, the sparse, frightening sameness of Oklahoma, and the existential nightmare of eight hours in Kansas! And all in mid-summer to boot!
I would be unable to live with myself if I were to do anything that would usurp your ability, nay, your right and obligation, to make this crucial and important journey.
Sincerely,
Joe T., Chmn.