It’s Time for Me to Fry

Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts!

We’re a mere one and one-half weeks away from the Ninth Annual Denver Catfish Festival, and herein lies information that is crucial to your ongoing happiness.

In our endless and dogged pursuit of next level innovation, we at The Denver Catfish Festival are proud to announce our alliance with what can only be described as the Death Star of outdoor frying apparati: 

The Bayou Classic Bayou Fryer 700-701. 

Tell us the location of the rebel base, or Alderaan gets deep-fried to a flaky golden brown.

This angry customer is equipped with the latest in V-channel fryer technology:  it both rolls its four gallons of oil to evenly distribute heat AND safely discards cornmeal shrapnel to prevent overheating.  The Bayou Fryer 700-701 is the Paragon of Catfish and Hush Puppy Cookery.   Says one of our catfish-frying brethren to the South,

“This is the biggest, baddest SOB you’ll ever cook in!”

To say that we at Catfish Festival Headquarters are as excited as LSU’s Marcus Spears when he returned a Jason White interception in the 2003 Sugar Bowl would be the understatement of the decade. 

In these remaining few days leading up to DCF9, we will be putting the Bayou Fryer 700-701 to the test with any and all manner of fryable media, including small woodland creatures and unruly neighborhood pets in order to insure that we are fully schooled in its nearly infinite capabilities by Catfish Festival Day. 

Items of Grave Importance:

–The latest “Ask the Chairman” Q&A has been posted here.  Technology rules the day at DCF Headquarters. 

—The VIP Raffle drawing will take place tomorrow (Thursday) night, with the announcement of the lucky winners coming on Friday morning! (After the announcement, each winner will be contacted via email with information regarding eligibility requirements, registration, legal waivers, orientation, drug testing, and physical fitness.)

–NEW CULINARY ATTRACTIONS THIS YEAR:  We at the DCF are proud to announce the addition of a DIY Po-Boy station and a Crawfish Etouffe smothering station to this year’s festival.  While we do believe that catfish and hushpuppies are more than adequate served ‘neat,’ we have decided to expand and offer these additional attractions this year as exhibition items only.  Final votes on whether they’ll become permanent Festival Fixtures will take place at the Denver Catfish Festival Winter Meetings next year.

–I toss and turn, sleepless and immersed in cold sweats, over your lack of haiku contest entries.  Winning haiku are what today’s dynamic employers look for.  How can you add this great honor to your resume if you don’t compete? 

It’s almost Catfish Festival Week!  My tail wags to the point of hip separation!

Sincerely,

Joe T., Chmn.

“Ask Me About The Ninth Annual Denver Catfish Festival!”

Oh—And Happy National French Fry Day.  How the French Fry Lobby was able to procure July 13 while National Hush Puppy Day is relegated to April 14^th is beyond me.  National Hush Puppy Day on Tax Day Eve?  It’s a crime!