Catfishenanigans

Yeah, it’s been a good promotional vehicle for The Denver Catfish Festival. But it sure does use a lot of oil…

Greetings, Fellow Catfish Enthusiasts,

You’ve probably heard grumblings in the press about The Denver Catfish Festival’s myriad problems and issues and its woeful state-of-being.  We’re here to announce that news of our demise is greatly exaggerated, to paraphrase Catfish Enthusiast Mark Twain, who was quoted as issuing this edict…shortly before his eventual demise.  Okay so maybe that’s a bad example.

The truth is, The Denver Catfish Festival Crew is working ’round the clock to present the most important, nay the most crucial Festival Of Your Entire Life.

Sure, we’ve had our bait stolen off the hook a few times this year.  First there was that unfortunate business with the Haiku Competition.  While we neither confirm nor deny the leaked report of a former staff member, the good news is that this year, we don’t have to go to the Four Corners of The Earth to find fabulous objects d’art for the Haiku Prize Packages!  We already have them!  And now it’s all Vintage!

And yes, there were some unfortunate goings-on at the Festivalgrounds this past January.  It’s never pretty when a Bayou Classic Bayou Fryer 700-701 with V-Channel Technology goes “over the falls.”  But on the bright side, the area of the floor affected by the mishap has been left with a healthy, radiant sheen.  Water literally beads up on its surface!  Not to mention, the spill was of pure vegetable oil.  What’s more organic than vegetables?  We probably did the earth a favor by returning its slippery bounty to the soil from whence it came.  There are little vegetable oil sprouts popping up all over the Festivalgrounds. So here again, we’re ahead of the game.  Our condolences do go out to the winter caretaker, though.  We try to give him a nice shiny nickel sometimes when we see him staggering around downtown in his tattered Festival uniform muttering “…catfish…catfish…catfish…” 

And finally, this lawsuit with C.H.U.M. is completely out-of-line.  As ardent Woody Guthrie fans (another catfish lover) we have always supported unions; however, the gentleman who was working at the Festivalgrounds over this past weekend and suffered his unfortunate fall was actually an undocumented worker from…Alabama.  With no Louisiana work visa documentation, he is barred from Catfish Handlers Union Membership and therefore cannot file claim against The Denver Catfish Festival.  As far as the bump on his head making him smarter, we’ve learned that on Monday he was able to pass his GED and has since been accepted into Bama’s Doctoral Physics program.  Congratulations, undocumented Bama person, err, student!  Roll Tide indeed!

Therefore, having wiped this nasty business clean like oil from a well-used Festival Table, we’re proud to announce that The Eleventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival is on!

The Eleventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival

July 20th, 2013

First Filet-hits-oil at 1:12 PM MDT

The Denver Catfish Festivalgrounds

Sincerely,

Joe T., Chmn.

“Ask Me About Evading Charges Related to The Eleventh Annual Denver Catfish Festival!”